Book suggestion Dorothy Koomson - Rose Petal beach. Genre, fiction.
Its a banning book, she’s a banging author. I believe she’s black also and the main character in this book is a lesbian.
For me, it’s been hard to be a poly queer poc. Seems to be more socially acceptable to be poly if you are white. It feels to me that it has something to do with the privilege of not having to represent their entire race and therefore an allowance to be seen as doing something deviant.
For me it has been difficult to find poc who are interested in me who are ok with me being poly. I have definitely found more acceptance with queers. Straight cis men of color seem down to hook up but not date. Queer cis woc seems super skeptical, because I am interested in hooking and being with other genders, as if I just want to use them. White poly people seem to just think is it natural to be poly and sometimes act glad to have met an “enlightened” poc. Color blindness bs and what not, which makes me not want to date them! All of this seems to me to be very tied in with social norms, privilege, tradition. As PoC we fight not only the violation of what is seen as normal, but also the perception that as a POC we already are a violation of the norm and our struggle to appear normal (aka, human)
Then there are the struggles of poly in and of themselves. There are 4 models of poly I know of. This site explains them rather well. http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/poly/Labriola/open.html. I tend to stay away from people who do hierarchical relationships, aka Primary/secondary, bc I have no interest in having a relationship with someone who would see a relationship as disposable, be it with me or with someone else. This has been specially true to me for people who are married. The married couple is seen as the top priority, with the needs of the rest of everyone else constantly being put on the back burner and even ignored. Even if the needs of the Primary are not as urgent or even could accommodate the needs of the Secondary. For example, wanting to have dinner with your honey, but only being allowed to if the Primary has alternate plans that came naturally(like they are out of town or they have a friend from out of town they want to spend some time alone with, etc. And yes, I said allowed.
Anyway, I feel like I am going off tangent, so I am gonna quit here. For me it is hard, for me not something I can’t be without denying a part of myself, so it is worth it.